Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Letters to Camp

I decided to clean up the kids drawers and found a few letters that I wrote to the boys at camp. In retrospect they are borderline disturbing but at least they're not boring.

July 1, 2009

Dear Zack,
Been thinking about becoming less "Jewish" as per your advice so today I drank a case of beer, took up smoking, sold the house, bought an RV and tattooed Matthew's butt with "Mop" (it was supposed to say "mom" but the guy ran out of m's and then Matthew yelled "I have to pee" so the guy thought he wanted the "p"). Now you don't have to take the bus cuz I can drive you around in the house. You'll love your room. It's in the microwave.

Don't get stabbed with crack cocaine.

August 10, 2009
Matthew is addicted to Magic Schoolbus. Did you know that there were some lost episodes? Well there were! I think they took them out of circulation for obvious reasons (no, Zack, not really, this is a joke)...

Episode 3: Gets Knifed in the Inner City
Episode 15: Gets High as a Kite on LSD
Episode 22: Joins a Cult
Episode 31: Lights Up Cuban Cigars
Episode 35: Makes a Stink from Eating Too Many Tacos
Episode 40: Goes Non-Kosher at Arnold's Grandmother's Seder
Episode 43: Takes a Bullet from Ms. Frizzles Mafia Boyfriend
Episode 48: Meets the Ghost of Elvis
Episode 56: Spaces Out and Gets Hit by a Car
Episode 64: Takes Steroids
Episode 67: Gets Stabbed with Crack Cocaine
Episode 71: Trains to be a Suicide Bomber
Episode 75: Develops a fear of Children and Runs the Class Over
Episode 81: Gets a Sexually Transmitted Disease


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