Thursday, September 30, 2010

They come all the way from outer space and they couldn't take him for a couple of days?

The real reason they came

First of all, Dr. Cleve Ziegler would like to emphasize that he is not a crazy person. In fact, he's an obstetrician-gynecologist at the Jewish General Hospital...... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

From vagina this, vagina that to I have to get to the mothership this and Xurg needs a human brain that. Never ends.

Aliens at the Shmall? Maybe they were meeting Goldie Schwartz for a coffee at Van Houtte.

Come for dinner. We'll invite Mork and Mindy.

ET call the Jewish... STAT

If the Aliens come for Succot I have extra chairs.

I see nothing about anal probes. Don't they always come equipped with anal probes?

They couldn't take him for a few days?... From your mouth to alien's ears

Mazel tov! It's gazillionuplets!

For deliveries in space he'll need an isotope-lined cement garbage can.

Aliens seek intelligent life at Cavendish Mall, find brother-in-law.... find brother-in-law?????

Aliens Claim Refugee Status: Given Medicare, Legal aid, French Lessons and Deliver at the Jewish
Investigation set for 2017, Children to Keep Dual Mars/Canada Citizenship

Stabbed AND saw a UFO. Cleve is so lucky.

Maybe they came to help earthlings extend Cavendish Blvd.?

Monday, September 27, 2010

Welcome to my home

Don't mind the BBQ on the front steps 
Yes, that's my gardener BBQ'ing

We are the white trash of our neighborhood.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Slow cooked sticky chicken

On second thought the picture may not be helping
In haste I threw the following into the slow cooker and then left the house for 5 hours
(seriously threw as in tossed in)...
6 frozen chicken thighs
1 sliced onion
4 cloves of frozen minced garlic
3/4 cup soya
1 cup honey
1 orange (separated sections)
I served it with rice

The boys actually tore themselves away from Sunday football and took their hands out of their pants long enough to have seconds. Even the four year old ate an entire plateful without rubbing it all over his face.... arms... ok, fine, body, table and floor.

Thought I'd document the successful dinners for those future "why can't we ever have anything good for dinner" arguments. Look at me, I'm the next freakin' Martha Stewart.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I wish I was one of those "I trained my children from the beginning" women

Went looking for a laundry basket for the kids' bathroom today. Found one with a lid and actually thought 'a lid will complicate things'. A lid. An attached lid. I bought it but decided to have a family discussion about the whole lid issue and how they shouldn't be discouraged by the closure. Step 1: lift lid, Step 2: drop clothes in bin, Step 3: jump back. I think it went well although I'm pretty sure I lost two of them at 'I would like to talk to you'.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Is anorexia contagious and why am I immune?

I think I missed the memo to all the new young mothers in PreK that said children can only be enrolled as long as their mothers weigh less than they do. I just keep telling everyone that I have octuplets. I hope none of those girls are running the hot lunch program or we could be looking at 'cabbage with no dressing Monday' and 'black coffee Thursday' with weigh in and open mocking of heavy set children included in the price.

PreK update: womb re-entry aborted today although the clinging to my ankle and Sophie's Choice-like screams from the class were a bit unsettling. On the positive there are no rumors about the kids using drugs or alcohol. All good.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sunday football is a great form of torture

Ten hours of American sportscasters and the hiss of the crowd makes me want to confess to something.

16 year old: I am amazing at fantasy football! I'm not gonna lie, I'm the best!

Me: wouldn't it be great if you could apply your abilities to, I don't know, school?

16 year old: If I could pick up Yiddish on waivers I would but I can't.

This might actually be better than therapy

him: Where are your car keys?

me: In my drawer

him: Where's your drawer?

me: In the square thing in the middle of the kitchen that has those shiny handles all around. My drawer is still on the left just like it has been for the last 16 years.

I think I'd feel better if this happened at work too.

patient: I have an itch in my vagina

him: Where is your vagina?