Wednesday, December 8, 2010

What does it say about me if I enjoy mammograms and colonoscopies because frankly they're alone time

Those nipple stickers are better than Krazy Glue!
So I had to wear a gown that only closes on one side, at no point did anyone in the waiting room ask me when I can take them for new shoes or sharpen their skates.

Sure the machine is kept in the freezer between patients but I didn't have to threaten to wash the technicians mouth with soap for calling her batteryless remote control helicopter a fucking piece of shit bastard.

Yes, the elevator at the Royal Victoria Hospital smells like moth balls but, hey, no one in that elevator confessed to having detention or getting 63% in a Yiddish exam because who cares about Yiddish.

And ok, they could replace the guy with the hard hat in the Krazy Glue commercial with that nipple sticker they need for identification but it's only a layer of skin. No one asked me to make them a grilled cheese sandwich because they couldn't find the cheese.... or the fridge.... or the kitchen.

Post snow storm traffic was more painful than the mammogram itself. I even considered getting out of my car, taking off my top and recruiting a taxi driver to run over my chest instead of making my way up to the hospital. I figured it would've felt the same although the results probably would've varied depending on the ethnicity of the taxi driver. Glad I stuck it out and had some me time at the amazing Breast Clinic. All's well and now I can look forward to my colonoscopy next month!

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